antelopedundee
internet bum
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Here is a true story that might help somebody.
When on a flight to Sydney one of those nosey parker chatty types sat next to me.
I remembered what my lawyer friend had told me and remembered her advice.
So when the bloke asked me what I did for a living, I told him that I worked for the tax office.
Well it worked! After going to the toilet he returned and found a vacant seat elsewhere.
HeHe.
* doggie *
When on a flight to Sydney one of those nosey parker chatty types sat next to me.
I remembered what my lawyer friend had told me and remembered her advice.
So when the bloke asked me what I did for a living, I told him that I worked for the tax office.
Well it worked! After going to the toilet he returned and found a vacant seat elsewhere.
HeHe.
* doggie *
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
A teacher asked her primary school (8 year old) to write a sentence using the word charming.
After a few moments she asks, “Anyone finished?”
Susan replies that she had and reads her sentence.
“We went to the beach and had a charming day.”
Mary reads “The weather at the moment is charming.”
Tommy says “I have a sentence with charming in it twice.”
“Really?” Says teacher, what is it.”
“My sister came home and told my daddy that she is pregnant, my daddy said charming, just ******* charming.”
After a few moments she asks, “Anyone finished?”
Susan replies that she had and reads her sentence.
“We went to the beach and had a charming day.”
Mary reads “The weather at the moment is charming.”
Tommy says “I have a sentence with charming in it twice.”
“Really?” Says teacher, what is it.”
“My sister came home and told my daddy that she is pregnant, my daddy said charming, just ******* charming.”
antelopedundee
internet bum
The Blind Cashier
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway?
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.
She didn't say a thing ..... just paid the bill and left!
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway?
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.
She didn't say a thing ..... just paid the bill and left!
Wherever I am, WHENever I am, whoever I'm with and I hear "no sleep"...... I will howl at full bolyume "til BOSS'TUNN!!!"
There is not a bad song on 'Licensed To Ill'
lissen to it again
loud
with powered 12" slammers full slapp.......no bass tube, no box nothing stupid just two driven 12's....
well, and some good drivers-N-tweets of course
wise grandaughter
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?".
Without skipping a beat, she said, "It's President's Day”!
She's smart, so I asked her "What does President's Day mean”?
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when President Biden steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 3 more years of Bull ****************************************************************************************************************************************************************."
You know, it really does hurt when hot coffee spurts out your nose!
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?".
Without skipping a beat, she said, "It's President's Day”!
She's smart, so I asked her "What does President's Day mean”?
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when President Biden steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 3 more years of Bull ****************************************************************************************************************************************************************."
You know, it really does hurt when hot coffee spurts out your nose!
The CEO Takes Charge....
On a tour of the facilities...
the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?" "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?" The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back." The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?" From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy over a grand....."
On a tour of the facilities...
the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?" "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?" The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back." The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?" From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy over a grand....."
BTW if any of you have not experienced Russell Peters...... "too good man, TOOO good!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA37-PJG3cc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA37-PJG3cc
