adamsgt
Jerry Adams
I've always said "Only curves are interesting"
antelopedundee
internet bum
It depends upon who you are and how well you are cashed up https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-01-05/no-special-treatment-federal-government-says-djokovic-exemption/100740178
* doggie *
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
A blonde joke I hadn't heard!!
so I'll pass it along....
One evening, a blonde went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals.”
One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”
“N,” she answered.
so I'll pass it along....
One evening, a blonde went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals.”
One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”
“N,” she answered.
The Jewish Quarterback
The Jewish Quarterback
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The
only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the
colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find
a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank,
in one corner of the background he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly
incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100
yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph, right into the open window.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of
football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach
asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says. "You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won
the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my
adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are
gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two
brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have
to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady
pauses, and then tearfully says,
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!
The Jewish Quarterback
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The
only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the
colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find
a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank,
in one corner of the background he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly
incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100
yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph, right into the open window.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of
football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach
asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says. "You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won
the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my
adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are
gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two
brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have
to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady
pauses, and then tearfully says,
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!
Nordakota
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota.
He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there).
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts.
Ole is very surprised.
He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again.
He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again.
Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.
When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota,didn't yah?"
Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"
Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota.
He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there).
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts.
Ole is very surprised.
He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again.
He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again.
Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.
When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota,didn't yah?"
Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"
Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"
A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%.
A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"
A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%.
A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
antelopedundee
internet bum
You know how they practice safe sex in Nordakota?
They put ear tags on all of the kickers.
why grandpas are better
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers
Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy -- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
"Not really, Pa Pa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of , horse's ass, socialist left wing Biden lover, blind bastard, dip, Muslim camel humper, pecker head or son of a B**** anywhere we went. We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers
Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy -- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
"Not really, Pa Pa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of , horse's ass, socialist left wing Biden lover, blind bastard, dip, Muslim camel humper, pecker head or son of a B**** anywhere we went. We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
That would be "assault with a dead weapon"?
Sos explained
An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies
consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter
with Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus
and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring
flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound
barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down
almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the
Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"
The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look!"
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues
to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the
Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"
The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs,
walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup
of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.
The moral of the story is:
When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as
you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more
important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, but Smarter.
Dedicated to all my friends and family who are like me, now realizing
that it is time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip. Dedicated
to you and all seniors.
An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies
consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter
with Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus
and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring
flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound
barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down
almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the
Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"
The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look!"
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues
to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the
Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"
The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs,
walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup
of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.
The moral of the story is:
When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as
you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more
important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, but Smarter.
Dedicated to all my friends and family who are like me, now realizing
that it is time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip. Dedicated
to you and all seniors.
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
So far I have 2 out of three covered....
Later
Dave
Later
Dave