Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
Adam blamed it on Eve.
Eve blamed it on the snake.
The snake didn't have a leg to stand on.
Eve blamed it on the snake.
The snake didn't have a leg to stand on.
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
amiabledave50
Member
It's not that your anti-social. It's because you drink Pabst Blue Ribbon!
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
A boy , at 6 years old, was still talking baby talk. His dad told him, at his age, to quit the baby talk and start the transition to a more normal way of expressing himself. With that his dad said get your Winne the Pooh book and we will read some. The boy looked at his dad and said shouldn't that be Winnie the S%it.
Must have been the same kid.
antelopedundee
internet bum
antelopedundee
internet bum
: Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists
Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!
1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?"
Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' "
Tourist: "Oh".
4. Are the bears with collars tame?
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?
9. Are there birds in Canada?
10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?
11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?
16. How far is Banff from Canada?
17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?
18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?
19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
21. Are there phones in Banff?
22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles?
23. We're on the decibel system you know.
24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??
25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?
26. Don't you Canadians know anything?
27. Where do you put the animals at night?
28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom".
Tourist: "Oh!"
Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!
1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?"
Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' "
Tourist: "Oh".
4. Are the bears with collars tame?
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?
9. Are there birds in Canada?
10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?
11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?
16. How far is Banff from Canada?
17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?
18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?
19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
21. Are there phones in Banff?
22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles?
23. We're on the decibel system you know.
24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??
25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?
26. Don't you Canadians know anything?
27. Where do you put the animals at night?
28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom".
Tourist: "Oh!"
antelopedundee
internet bum
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
Three women went to Mexico one night, had too much to drink, and woke up the next morning in jail. They were told they would be executed, but none of them could remember what they had done wrong.
The first woman, who had red hair, was strapped into the electric chair. When asked if she had any last words, she said, "I went to Grace University, and I believe that God will protect the innocent." They pulled the switch, but nothing happened.
Everyone around dropped to their knees, begged for her forgiveness, and let her go.
Next, the second woman, a brunette, was put in the chair. She said, "I went to the Creighton School of Law, and I believe that justice will protect the innocent." They pulled the switch again, and once more, nothing happened.
Again, the people fell to their knees, asked for her forgiveness, and let her go too.
Finally, the last woman, a blonde, was brought in and strapped into the chair. She said, "I just graduated from the University of Alabama in Huntsville with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I can tell you right now, this thing isn’t going to work unless you plug it in."
Youngest daughter, (dark haired) decided to go blonde. That only lasted about a week. Asked her what happened? She said too many people were looking at her like she was a DUMB BLONDE so I got rid of the blonde. Smarter than the average Bear.
The first woman, who had red hair, was strapped into the electric chair. When asked if she had any last words, she said, "I went to Grace University, and I believe that God will protect the innocent." They pulled the switch, but nothing happened.
Everyone around dropped to their knees, begged for her forgiveness, and let her go.
Next, the second woman, a brunette, was put in the chair. She said, "I went to the Creighton School of Law, and I believe that justice will protect the innocent." They pulled the switch again, and once more, nothing happened.
Again, the people fell to their knees, asked for her forgiveness, and let her go too.
Finally, the last woman, a blonde, was brought in and strapped into the chair. She said, "I just graduated from the University of Alabama in Huntsville with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I can tell you right now, this thing isn’t going to work unless you plug it in."
Youngest daughter, (dark haired) decided to go blonde. That only lasted about a week. Asked her what happened? She said too many people were looking at her like she was a DUMB BLONDE so I got rid of the blonde. Smarter than the average Bear.
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26 sounds legit, LOL
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
Shade in the Summer and heat in the Winter.
Thinking the suspension MIGHT need an upgrade???
And what's the song, "Yes it's me and I'am in love again"???
A little "off topic" but, back in the day, had a customer say that the front end alignment I did on his car didn't work. Pulls REAL HARD to the left. Double checked and it was SPOT ON!!! Finally told him to come on back and I'd see what was going on.
Car was a 1966 Chevy Nova. The river? Might have been brother to the gal that won the Hot Dog eating contest.
Maybe 300+ pounds?Set the front end specs with the "driver" behind the wheel. He came back the next day and said "It was perfect". Drove straight down the road and didn't pull either way.
He DID mention that his wife was a little bitty thing coming in at around 100 pounds and that she WOULDN'T be driving his car. Right turn Clyde!!
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shortly after those ity bitty cars became available, I was at the grocery store and one pulled in , a man and woman got out , I simply could not believe it, both were every bit as large as the female above, No idea where they were going to put any groceries in there plus themselves,
That is done a lotShade in the Summer and heat in the Winter.
Thinking the suspension MIGHT need an upgrade???
A little "off topic" but, back in the day, had a customer say that the front end alignment I did on his car didn't work. Pulls REAL HARD to the left. Double checked and it was SPOT ON!!! Finally told him to come on back and I'd see what was going on.
Car was a 1966 Chevy Nova. The river? Might have been brother to the gal that won the Hot Dog eating contest.
Set the front end specs with the "driver" behind the wheel. He came back the next day and said "It was perfect". Drove straight down the road and didn't pull either way.
antelopedundee
internet bum
Maybe they were going to eat in the store and carry it out that way.
antelopedundee
internet bum
My Grandfather always said, "As one door closes, another one opens."
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
At one of the local Mountain Mike's Pizza places, Pizza and Salad lunchtime specials. I think $15.00? Couple of BIG FOLKS going back for 3rds. I could feed my whole thanksgiving day dinner family feed with what the two of them put away!! Guess you ARE what you eat?
antelopedundee
internet bum
There used to be a Chinese buffet here years ago. Supposedly the owner a little Chinese guy told one of my big co-workers. You not come back here, you eat too much.
Nor Cal Mikie
Active member
You'll notice, you don't see any stray cats around the Chinese restaurants. 
Pretty big Auto Repair shop. All tin building. Siding way in the back wall pulled up a bit, not thinking it was on purpose, just an old building. Other side of that tin wall was a Chinese restaurant. Big black fluffy cat use to hang out there and come into the shop thru the hole in the tin. Make the rounds when no body was there. I would open up first thing in the morning.
By the front door would be cat crap. Not sure if the cat didn't know how to get back out or not. Finally set one of my Have A Heart live traps. Caught it and took it out to the country at my house. Let him loose but never saw him again. Not too long after, the Chinese restaurant closed up. Not enough supply to fill the menu???
Pretty big Auto Repair shop. All tin building. Siding way in the back wall pulled up a bit, not thinking it was on purpose, just an old building. Other side of that tin wall was a Chinese restaurant. Big black fluffy cat use to hang out there and come into the shop thru the hole in the tin. Make the rounds when no body was there. I would open up first thing in the morning.
By the front door would be cat crap. Not sure if the cat didn't know how to get back out or not. Finally set one of my Have A Heart live traps. Caught it and took it out to the country at my house. Let him loose but never saw him again. Not too long after, the Chinese restaurant closed up. Not enough supply to fill the menu???
antelopedundee
internet bum
Like the Vietnamese cookbook 50 Ways To Wok Your Dog!You'll notice, you don't see any stray cats around the Chinese restaurants. 
Pretty big Auto Repair shop. All tin building. Siding way in the back wall pulled up a bit, not thinking it was on purpose, just an old building. Other side of that tin wall was a Chinese restaurant. Big black fluffy cat use to hang out there and come into the shop thru the hole in the tin. Make the rounds when no body was there. I would open up first thing in the morning.
By the front door would be cat crap. Not sure if the cat didn't know how to get back out or not. Finally set one of my Have A Heart live traps. Caught it and took it out to the country at my house. Let him loose but never saw him again. Not too long after, the Chinese restaurant closed up. Not enough supply to fill the menu???
antelopedundee
internet bum
Keith Richards has 3000 guitars. That's because he buys a new one every year.