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papapaul
Guest
We need a section on here for "The joke of the Day". Blonde jokes, engineer jokes, redneck jokes, everything.
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Winchester 69
Guest
So much for that idea.
Bill Wynne
Active member
Mule business
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news. The mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world y'all gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! We don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked, "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made
a profit of $898."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."
Concho Bill
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news. The mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world y'all gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! We don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked, "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made
a profit of $898."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."
Concho Bill
old Henny Youngman stuff
Wife calls,"honey the car won't start,there's water in the carburetor",I say "OK where's the car",she says,"in the Lake"
I said "doctor,it hurts when I do this",He says "don't do that".
So the doctor gives me six months to live,I say "Doc,I cant pay my bill in six months", He says, " alright,I'll give you a year".
Wife calls,"honey the car won't start,there's water in the carburetor",I say "OK where's the car",she says,"in the Lake"
I said "doctor,it hurts when I do this",He says "don't do that".
So the doctor gives me six months to live,I say "Doc,I cant pay my bill in six months", He says, " alright,I'll give you a year".
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ron collins
Guest
The ride
A man and his wife went to the Fair, walked up to the Corkscrew ride and looked at it, The Man said, Ethel we should try to ride this one, You know we are in our 70s and we may not be here much longer.
She looked at him and said, it cost 10 dollars and you know that 10 dollars is a lot of money.
But Ethel we need to live a little bit, lets try the ride.
The woman kept saying, it cost 10 dollars and 10 dollars is a lot of money.
But the man asked again Ethel, We may not be here next time this ride comes back, But the woman said again, The ride cost 10 dollars and 10 dollars is a lot of money.
Well ,the ride operator who was listening finaly had enough about the 10 dollars for the ride, said... If you two will shut up I will let you ride for free
so long as you dont say anything. Well the man and woman agreed.
They got on the ride,but the operator said again, remember if you open your mouth again I will stop and let you off and charge you the full amount. They agreed and the ride started.
Well the operator ran the ride back and foward up and down side to side
but he never heard them once complain. When the ride stopped he went up to the old man and said ..I cant believe that you kept quiet the whole ride!
Well said the old man ..You know I almost said something when Ethel fell out.
BUT 10 DOLLARS IS A LOT OF MONEY
A man and his wife went to the Fair, walked up to the Corkscrew ride and looked at it, The Man said, Ethel we should try to ride this one, You know we are in our 70s and we may not be here much longer.
She looked at him and said, it cost 10 dollars and you know that 10 dollars is a lot of money.
But Ethel we need to live a little bit, lets try the ride.
The woman kept saying, it cost 10 dollars and 10 dollars is a lot of money.
But the man asked again Ethel, We may not be here next time this ride comes back, But the woman said again, The ride cost 10 dollars and 10 dollars is a lot of money.
Well ,the ride operator who was listening finaly had enough about the 10 dollars for the ride, said... If you two will shut up I will let you ride for free
so long as you dont say anything. Well the man and woman agreed.
They got on the ride,but the operator said again, remember if you open your mouth again I will stop and let you off and charge you the full amount. They agreed and the ride started.
Well the operator ran the ride back and foward up and down side to side
but he never heard them once complain. When the ride stopped he went up to the old man and said ..I cant believe that you kept quiet the whole ride!
Well said the old man ..You know I almost said something when Ethel fell out.
BUT 10 DOLLARS IS A LOT OF MONEY
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jackie schmidt
New member
My Apologies
As a Super Moderator, I should not have posted that joke, so I deleted my post and any that referred to it.
It is up to Wilbur to have the say on whether the initial posters idea belongs here, I should not have got involved.........jackie
As a Super Moderator, I should not have posted that joke, so I deleted my post and any that referred to it.
It is up to Wilbur to have the say on whether the initial posters idea belongs here, I should not have got involved.........jackie
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Bulletbarr
Guest
A blond returning home early, found her husband in bed with another woman. Removeing the 38 special from her purse, she cocked the hammer and pointed the barrel to her head. Her husband sat up in bed pleading not to do it. The blond looked at her husband and said shut-up you are next.:rolley
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Roy Allain
Guest
aka Henny Youngman
A man is on the shrinks couch and the doctor asked him what did he do for a living. The man said "I an auto mechanic". The doctor said "get under the couch".
A man and his wife were discussing where to go on their vacation. The wife said, "I want to go somewhere I've never visited before". The husband replied, "how about the kitchen".
Nuff for today.
A man is on the shrinks couch and the doctor asked him what did he do for a living. The man said "I an auto mechanic". The doctor said "get under the couch".
A man and his wife were discussing where to go on their vacation. The wife said, "I want to go somewhere I've never visited before". The husband replied, "how about the kitchen".
Nuff for today.
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Donald
Guest
Latest new redneck word: "Obama"
I bought myself a case of beer today an I drunk it obama self.
Donald
I bought myself a case of beer today an I drunk it obama self.
Donald
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Big Al
Guest
I can only hope that Wilbur has seen this thread? A fellow could sure get used to checking here daily.
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Winchester 69
Guest
My post referred to it, and mine wasn't deleted.
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Jhart
Guest
I hope this is PG enough to post here ????
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get in the mood. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH! 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE...UGH! 'Here I come again! ONE,TWO,THREE...UGH!...ALL NIGHT LONG. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It was embarrassing. I just couldn't do it.' The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed!!!
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get in the mood. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH! 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE...UGH! 'Here I come again! ONE,TWO,THREE...UGH!...ALL NIGHT LONG. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It was embarrassing. I just couldn't do it.' The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed!!!
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Foxhunter223
New member
The Magic Sandals
The Magic Sandals
Len and Marree are on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they pass this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.” So Len and Marree walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “ I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel”. Well Marree was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but Len felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god that he was.
Len asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Pakistani man replied, “Just try dem on sahib”.
Well, Len, after much badgering from Marree finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something Marree hadn’t seen in many years - Raw Sexual Power.
In the blink of an eye, Len grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani’s thighs. The Pakistani then began screaming.
“YOU HAVE DEM ON THE WRONG FEET!”
Pete
The Magic Sandals
Len and Marree are on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they pass this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.” So Len and Marree walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “ I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel”. Well Marree was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but Len felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god that he was.
Len asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Pakistani man replied, “Just try dem on sahib”.
Well, Len, after much badgering from Marree finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something Marree hadn’t seen in many years - Raw Sexual Power.
In the blink of an eye, Len grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani’s thighs. The Pakistani then began screaming.
“YOU HAVE DEM ON THE WRONG FEET!”
Pete
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Big Al
Guest
Where is the new joke?
B
Bulletbarr
Guest
Smart dog
In a boat,two men and a dog were just starting to hunt ducks. The owner of the dog said he was one smart dog. Before his freind could reply, a flock of ducks flew overhead. Shooting one that falls a short distance from the boat, the dog owner said fetch rover. Rover jumps out of the boat, walks on top of the water, picks the duck up and returns walking on top of the water, back to the boat.
The man looks at his friend saying, is not that a smart dog? His freind replys, no he just can not swim.
In a boat,two men and a dog were just starting to hunt ducks. The owner of the dog said he was one smart dog. Before his freind could reply, a flock of ducks flew overhead. Shooting one that falls a short distance from the boat, the dog owner said fetch rover. Rover jumps out of the boat, walks on top of the water, picks the duck up and returns walking on top of the water, back to the boat.
The man looks at his friend saying, is not that a smart dog? His freind replys, no he just can not swim.
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Jhart
Guest
The top 10 reasons men prefer guns over women
Top 10 Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women....
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup..
#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun doesn't ask,"Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
Top 10 Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women....
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup..
#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun doesn't ask,"Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
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Swamp Fox
Guest
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble started.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble started.
The town constable is sitting on the front porch of the general store, in a small Alabama town, when he sees Junior walking up the street with a black eye. He calls out “Junior, how’d you get that black eye?”
“Well Sir, it was this way. Me an my brother went to church yesterday, jest like we always do, and we was sittin in the pew behind old lady Smith. When we all stood up to sing the hymn, I noticed that big ole flowery dress she wears to church was stuck between her butt cheeks, so I pulled it out, and that’s how I got this black eye.”
The constable says “I hope you learned something from that”.
“I shore did” says Junior.
The next Monday, the constable is sitting on the general store porch, when he sees Junior walking up the street with another black eye and a big bandage on his nose. He called Junior over and asked what happened.
“Me an my brother went to church yesterday, jest like we always do, and we was sittin in the pew behind old lady Smith. When we all stood up to sing the hymn, I noticed that big ole flowery dress she wears to church was stuck between her butt cheeks again.”
“My god, you didn’t pull it out again, did you?”
“No Sir” Junior replied, “but my brother did”. “I knowed she didn’t like that, so right quick, I put it back.”
“Well Sir, it was this way. Me an my brother went to church yesterday, jest like we always do, and we was sittin in the pew behind old lady Smith. When we all stood up to sing the hymn, I noticed that big ole flowery dress she wears to church was stuck between her butt cheeks, so I pulled it out, and that’s how I got this black eye.”
The constable says “I hope you learned something from that”.
“I shore did” says Junior.
The next Monday, the constable is sitting on the general store porch, when he sees Junior walking up the street with another black eye and a big bandage on his nose. He called Junior over and asked what happened.
“Me an my brother went to church yesterday, jest like we always do, and we was sittin in the pew behind old lady Smith. When we all stood up to sing the hymn, I noticed that big ole flowery dress she wears to church was stuck between her butt cheeks again.”
“My god, you didn’t pull it out again, did you?”
“No Sir” Junior replied, “but my brother did”. “I knowed she didn’t like that, so right quick, I put it back.”