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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #1261
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  2. #1262
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  3. #1263
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    A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.

    "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right .. . I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

    But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage his crotch. She then asked him: "How does that feel?"*

    To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

  4. #1264
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    linkienoworkie,me

  5. #1265
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    Rerun

    While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.


    Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

    "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

    She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

    "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

    "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

    We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

    "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

    "Still in the ditch, I guess."

  6. #1266
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    Sooooo shweeet..... Nothing like an uplifting story of marital bliss to put a spring in my step and a beatific smile on my face


    Tx

  7. #1267
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  8. #1268
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    An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements.

    After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, and escalators, and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy.

    One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how are things going down there?"

    Satan says, Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next!"

    God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's clearly a mistake he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here immediately!!"

    Satan says, "No way, I really like having an Engineer on the staff. Im keeping him."

    God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you.
    "Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?

  9. #1269
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    I'm on my 6th shot.....
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  10. #1270
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  11. #1271
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    It's that time of the year again

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  12. #1272
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    Chehalis, WA.
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    Oh My Gosh

    Quote Originally Posted by doghunter View Post
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    Is it Omicron season already, I still have my Delta decorations up!

  13. #1273
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    Poetry, Tex.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve Kostanich View Post
    Is it Omicron season already, I still have my Delta decorations up!
    Steve, you misspelled it. It is Moronic!

  14. #1274
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    Oct 2019
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    The Supreme court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity scene in the Capital this Christmas season.This isnt for any religious reason and not because of any COVID related issues. No, they simply have not been able to find three wise men in the nation's capital.

    A search for a virgin continues!

    There was NO Problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.



    MERRY CHRISTMAS

  15. #1275
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    washington.........STATE that is.
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    an inoffensive ethnic joke??

    I've got hundreds of ethnic jokes that are considered "inappropriate" by many of the PC folks here and out in the larger innernet community...... I _think_ this one is OK because if anyone is maligned it can be construed as "self defecating humor" or something like that.....






    Jeff Bezos is preparing for the Blue Origin trip to Mars. Some of the training of the crew took place on a Navajo reservation.

    One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

    A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to Mars. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to Mars with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

    After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

    Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Do not believe these men; they have come to steal your land."

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