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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #1111
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    washington.........STATE that is.
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    But back to the '1' jokes.......

    A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.

    The physicist says, "The initial measurement was incorrect."

    The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

    And the mathematician says, "If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty."

  2. #1112
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    Tried to explain that to my wife and she didn't think it was funny...it was a thinker.

    Mort

  3. #1113
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    1) What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?
    2) What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
    3) What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
    4) What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
    5) What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
    6) What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
    7) What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?



    ANSWERS:
    1. (talk)
    2. (legs)
    3. (a twenty dollar bill)
    4. (firetruck)
    5. (fork)
    6. (Almond Joy candy bar)
    7. (last name)




    just wasn't your day... was it?

  4. #1114
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    washington.........STATE that is.
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    According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

  5. #1115
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    Oct 2019
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    654
    A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first-class section of an airplane.



    The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading.



    A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.



    A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.



    Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?' 'I am sorry if I disturbed you,



    I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm. ' The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'



    The woman nodded. 'Pepper.'

  6. #1116
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    Guy goes into a diner and sees the special of the day is chili.
    Waitress comes up and asks what he'd like and he says, I'll take a bowl of that chili. Waitress apologizes and says we sold out, that guy, pointing next to him, got the last bowl. The guy says okay that's fine I'll have a Dr pepper for now.
    He looks at the guy who isn't touching the chili and asks if he can have it. The guy says absolutely and slides it over across the bar.
    The man is digging in just loving the chili and gets about half way, sees a dead rat and pukes it back into the bowl.
    The guy who gave it to him says, that's as far as i got, too.

  7. #1117
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    Mrs. BB and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night
    Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

  8. #1118
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    Quote Originally Posted by antelopedundee View Post
    Guy goes into a diner and sees the special of the day is chili.
    Waitress comes up and asks what he'd like and he says, I'll take a bowl of that chili. Waitress apologizes and says we sold out, that guy, pointing next to him, got the last bowl. The guy says okay that's fine I'll have a Dr pepper for now.
    He looks at the guy who isn't touching the chili and asks if he can have it. The guy says absolutely and slides it over across the bar.
    The man is digging in just loving the chili and gets about half way, sees a dead rat and pukes it back into the bowl.
    The guy who gave it to him says, that's as far as i got, too.
    Minds me of this old Justin Wilson bit.....



    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOUjZC9GCGA

  9. #1119
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  10. #1120
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    Manthink...

    A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

    'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

    On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Busch Gardens theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

    Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

    Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

    He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you #@*#*! Idiot!

    The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is likely gonna get it all wrong.

  11. #1121
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    .Click image for larger version. 

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  12. #1122
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    A minister is preaching the story of Creation
    "Man came first.........." he began.
    A woman at the back shouted out, "Some things never change."

  13. #1123
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    North Eastern Australia
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    Lockdown

    Stuck down here in lockdown without a single covid case (ever) where I live I was bored so designed a new T-shirt for when our range opens again.
    Here is the logo.

    The Vaccinated Shall Inherit The Earth

    * doggie *

  14. #1124
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
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    654
    not likely
    way too political to even be on the humor forum

    Quote Originally Posted by doghunter View Post
    Stuck down here in lockdown without a single covid case (ever) where I live I was bored so designed a new T-shirt for when our range opens again.
    Here is the logo.

    The Vaccinated Shall Inherit The Earth

    * doggie *

  15. #1125
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    Jun 2013
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    North Eastern Australia
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    Quote Originally Posted by rsmithsr View Post
    not likely
    way too political to even be on the humor forum
    Lighten up, it's meant to be a joke

    Try this one. It's from your own local cartoonists

    Click image for larger version. 

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    * doggie *

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