we need a humor forum.....until then

[TomD]

[Varmint Al]

One of my favorite cartoons.
Good Hunting... from Varmint Al

[UncleB]

A gentleman from Pittsburgh was on a job assignment in Los Angeles, after finishing his project he went right to the airport so he could fly home. while standing in the ticket line he noticed that the lady working the counter was very nice looking and glanced at her several times. when it was his turn he stepped to the counter and said "I need a picket to tittsburgh...eeerrr aaahhh I mean a ticket to Pittsburgh. timidly he boarded the plane and went home.
His friend (a psychologist) picked him up from the airport, he told his friend what had happened in the L.A airport, the friend said what happened to you is what is known as a" freudian slip". when you have more than one thing on your mind it can mix -up what comes out in your speech.
For example I had a freudian slip myself just this morning before I came to pick you up, me and my wife were having breakfast and what I meant to ask her was "will you please pass the syrup" but what came out was "you bitch you ruined my life".

[Bill Gammon]

One of my favorite cartoons.
Good Hunting... from Varmint Al

I got that joke about 10 years ago and it has been poster in my trailer since.

[zippy06]

Dang Bill.
You are real old.
Do you remember telling me, 2011 was going to be your last year shooting?????
Proally not.
See ya in the spring.....

[Landers]

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their butts!"

"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

[AMMASHOOTA]

i sure hope you guys shoot better than you tell jokes...

[Nor Cal Mikie]

Walmart greeters.

Young people forget that these old people had a career before they retired......


Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their
"older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic and you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. But your coming in late is odd. I know you're retired from the military, what did they say if you came in late there?"


"They said, "Good morning, Admiral, may I get your coffee, sir?"

[bozo699]

Subject: Traffic Jam in Washington

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam in Washington DC . Nothing is moving!
Suddenly, a man knocks on the car window. The driver rolls down his window and asks "What's going on"?
''Terrorists down the road have kidnapped all the members of our Congress, they're asking for $10 million in ransom". "Otherwise, they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire"!
"We're going from car to car taking up a collection".
The driver asks "How much is everyone giving, on average"?
''Most people are giving about two gallons"!

Mike,
I had no clue you had any humor what so ever,...I'm impressed, I read the whole thread and was laughing the whole way through it, thanks for a different sort of thread.
Happy New Year to all.
Wayne.

[pmcallan]

Leave it to Beaver

My husband grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

"I have to ask you to move your car," my husband told him.

"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?"

"No," he replied, "it's parked in the wrong driveway."

[alinwa]

Samuel Langhorne Clemens gets my vote as the funniest man who ever lived, f'rinstance;

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

more

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Mark_Twain/31

dude really understood the human condition

lol

al

[pmcallan]

The Final Verdict

It was a particularly horrific crime and the judge could not refrain
from saying so to the defendant.

As the defendant was brought before him for arraignment, the judge said,
"You are charged with throwing your attorney out of a tenth-story
window."

The defendant responded, "I did it without thinking, your Honor."

The judge stated angrily, "That's no excuse! Don't you see how dangerous
it might have been! What if someone was passing underneath at the time?"

[Vern]

BOSTON (CBS) – A 7-year-old boy is being investigated by his South Boston elementary school for possible sexual harassment after kicking another boy in the crotch.
UPDATE: Boy To Be Transferred To New School
The first grader’s mother, Tasha Lynch, says she was shocked by the school’s decision.
“He’s 7 years old. He doesn’t know anything about sexual harassment,” she said.
Lynch’s son, Mark Curran, said the boy that he kicked had been bullying him on the school bus ride home from Tynan Elementary last week.
“He just all of a sudden came up to him, choked him. He wanted to take his gloves, and my son said, ‘I couldn’t breathe, so I kicked him in the testicles,’” said his mother.
Lynch described a phone call she received from the school explaining that the case will be treated like sexual harassment, due to what it considers inappropriate touching.
“‘Your son kicked a little boy in the testicles. We call that sexual harassment,’” Lynch said the school told her.
She said she’s been asked to attend a disciplinary hearing at the school Monday.
A Boston Public Schools spokesperson said officials are investigating, but won’t comment further, since it’s a private matter.
Lynch wants an apology and better supervision on the school bus to prevent such fights among students.
“He couldn’t breathe. He was trying to defend himself,” she said. “I don’t find that sexual harassment. I find that defending himself.”

[alinwa]

That's not funny Vern.

al

[Vern]

Al I didnt think so either at first.
But after a couple of minutes I started to chuckle thinking about the boy who got his deserts for picking on the little kid.
And now its all over the news that he got his .*I&YT kicked by the little guy.
I guess getting his mommy involved was the only way he could try to save face.
Bet he thinks twice or maybe 3 times (depending on what all got hurt) before picking on that kid again.
I hated bullies in school and now I go out of my way to make them suffer when I meet them.