we need a humor forum.....until then

[mike in co]

Subject: Traffic Jam in Washington

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam in Washington DC . Nothing is moving!
Suddenly, a man knocks on the car window. The driver rolls down his window and asks "What's going on"?
''Terrorists down the road have kidnapped all the members of our Congress, they're asking for $10 million in ransom". "Otherwise, they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire"!
"We're going from car to car taking up a collection".
The driver asks "How much is everyone giving, on average"?
''Most people are giving about two gallons"!

[glp]

Why Michael, I find most of what you post is humorous.

If he's humorous, you are hillarious!

[Charles E]

Why, Francis, that's not true. Much of what he writes is redundant.

(Oh, Maybe Mike wants a good humor forum. No, that's ice cream; not what I meant. A humor forum with good writing.)

[AMMASHOOTA]

i could use a good humerus...

[404tbang]

I could use a good humerus too, I broke mine right at the elbow December 19, 1954 at St. Michael's in the first period and it didn't heal right.
Oh, heel right is different. That's the optomitrus. Well, it starts with O.

Well, that may explain it. 20 years ago a podiatrist at Ft. Bragg cut off a chunk of excess bone on my right heel with a hammer and chisel. No kidding. I thought he was kidding. He wasn't kidding. I mean, one minute I'm laying on my belly and worrying about the design of the gown and accidentally impressing the nurses and such, and the next minute I hear the sound of steel on steel as my leg gets violently yanked. I whirled around and said "what are you DOING?!?" "Uh, Sir?" He said, "I told you I was going to do this with a hammer and chisel." I said, "I thought you were KIDDING, sir!?!" "No son, I wasn't kidding". And back to work that pesky sculptor went........

Sooooo, what'cher saying is I should have gone to the optometrist?! Man, I never saw that coming..............

[John Kielly]

Damn lucky you didn't have piles!

[AMMASHOOTA]

Damn lucky you didn't have piles!

Piles of what? brass? lead?

[Charles E]

Oh, nosebleeds. What's the problem? When it comes to noses, a little chiseling on mine would probably be a good thing. Just stay away from proctologists.

[AMMASHOOTA]

He meant hemoglobins, you idiot.

sorry, i already have a wife.

[Steelhead1]

And how do you know when you have a bad proctologist? When your getting a rectal exam and you notice he has both hands on your shoulder's!

[AMMASHOOTA]

He meant hemoglobins, you idiot.

other possible responses:

1. Halloween was two months ago.
2. This is not the appropriate venue for discussing sexual preference.

[Rewinder]

I'm also married , but my wifes preference is not sex, BUT she does like candy. Randy

[TomD]

A little visual humor--

[AMMASHOOTA]

i ain't goin' there...

[Rewinder]

If I died now, my wife would kill me. I still have 14 and 11 yr old boys in the house and I'm 56. Randy