Page 76 of 84 FirstFirst ... 26667475767778 ... LastLast
Results 1,126 to 1,140 of 1258

Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #1126
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,490

    deer season is just around the corner

    One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

    As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.

    A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly.

    He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0.00. Confused, the deputy asked the driver what the hell was going on.

    The driver looked at him innocently and said, "tonight I'm the designated decoy."

  2. #1127
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,490
    A leggy blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

    The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.

    Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:
    "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

    "Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

  3. #1128
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,490
    A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor.

    After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
    She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

    An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
    After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

    The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

    The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:
    "Does she still have the hiccups?"

  4. #1129
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,490
    The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

    Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."
    "Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
    "Yes," whispered the small voice.
    "May I talk with him?"
    The child whispered, "No."

    Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
    "Yes."
    "May I talk with her?"
    Again the small voice whispered, "No."

    Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
    "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
    "No, he's busy," whispered the child.
    "Busy doing what?"
    "Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
    "A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
    "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
    Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

    Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

  5. #1130
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    272

    Clowns

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Clown Training.jpg 
Views:	275 
Size:	23.5 KB 
ID:	24861

    * doggie *

  6. #1131
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    682
    Quote Originally Posted by doghunter View Post
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Clown Training.jpg 
Views:	275 
Size:	23.5 KB 
ID:	24861

    * doggie *
    heh heh!

  7. #1132
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,383

    Kiss

    ..
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	thumbnail (17).jpg 
Views:	221 
Size:	41.0 KB 
ID:	24867  

  8. #1133
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,383

    Balls

    ..
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	image016.jpg 
Views:	220 
Size:	54.1 KB 
ID:	24868  

  9. #1134
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,383

    For True

    .
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	1628382952529.jpeg 
Views:	239 
Size:	73.2 KB 
ID:	24869  

  10. #1135
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,383

    Puzzle

    .Tell Jill I finished the puzzle.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	crossword-1.JPG 
Views:	231 
Size:	149.5 KB 
ID:	24871  

  11. #1136
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    West Central Florida
    Posts
    40

    Dam

    I just got this key board yesterday.....back to the store

  12. #1137
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,383

    Marriage

    .
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	thumbnail (19).jpg 
Views:	205 
Size:	46.5 KB 
ID:	24872  

  13. #1138
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,490
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	13 cents.jpg 
Views:	194 
Size:	92.9 KB 
ID:	24873

  14. #1139
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,490
    I have a lot of this kind of friends.....




    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	a good friend.jpg 
Views:	196 
Size:	47.8 KB 
ID:	24874



    From some of the feedback in this thread warning "not to pick on certain people"...... I wish a lot more folks had my kind a' friends

  15. #1140
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    California...unfortunately
    Posts
    751
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	01F5G3DE3MXRY52CD8M5PE2JHV.jpeg 
Views:	142 
Size:	494.5 KB 
ID:	24876Click image for larger version. 

Name:	01F64VMA5TMXRXWX731GF2FX16.jpeg 
Views:	151 
Size:	183.8 KB 
ID:	24877

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •