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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #1276
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    North Eastern Australia
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    325

    It's that time of the year again

    Seasonal greetings from Oz
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  2. #1277
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    North Eastern Australia
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    325

    It's that time of the year again

    And here is one for all the 'Al's
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  3. #1278
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
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    11,926

    Some things just can't be explained

    A farmer went to milk his cow one morning. Just as the bucket was almost full, the cow kicked it over with her left leg. The farmer took some rope and tied the cow's left leg to a post on the left.

    He sat down to milk the cow again and again as the bucket was full, the cow knocked it over this time with her right leg. So the farmer ties up her right leg to a post on the right.

    He sits down for a third time and for the third time the cow knocks over the bucket this time with her tail. Since he's run out of rope, the farmer drags over a haybale, takes off his belt and uses it to tie the cow's tail to the rafter. Just as he gets done, his pants fall down as the wife walks in and...well


    some things just can't be explained!

  4. #1279
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    325

    It's that time of the year again

    As a dawg, I could not resist this one.

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    Merry Christmas

    *doggie *

  5. #1280
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,926

    Nick The Dragon Slayer

    Nick the Dragon Slayer had long been attracted to the Queen..... his obsession with motorboating the Queens voluptuous booswoms was interfering with his dragon slaying but he held his passions in check as he knew the penalty for nuzzling would be death. Probably death by dragon in his special case.

    One day he revealed his secret desire to Horatio the Court Physician who was the king's royal doctor. Horatio proclaimed that he could arrange for the fulfillment of Nick's desires.... but it would cost him 1000 Gold Durwins

    "I'm in" said Nick.

    The next day the Royal Physic made up some itching powder and poured it into the Queen's brassiere as she bathed. Soon after she was dried and dressed the itching commenced. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers Horatio the Physician diagnosed the problem...."what we have here is a condition, the result of residue from a weed occurring only in BagWanaLand which is sometimes brought in by baskets of exotic fruits or clothing, which can only be cured by the application of saliva found in folks of a certain genetic background and blood type. 3-4 hours of application from the right person will cure the itch. I will set out immediately to test your subjects until I find a man or woman of that blood type"....

    Of course he found Nick the Dragon Slayer to be of the right type.

    The King called for Nick.

    Horation slipped him some antidote for the itching powder and Nick the Dragon Slayer went to work on the Queens itch....

    After several hours the Queen's itch was assuaged and she looked on Nick the Dragon Slayer as a hero......Nick the Dragon Slayer was also satisfied and it all looked peaches and cream in the kingdom until hours later when Horatio the Physician came round to collect his fee. Nick of course was basking in a rosy glow and couldn't care less about paying 1000 Durwins for something he's already had. Nick shooed Horatio away with a lofty wave, knowing that Horatio the Physician couldn't very well report him to the King. He was Home Free and smiled the uncomplicated smile of a satisfied mind.

    Horatio however was incensed.

    The next day he slipped a massive dose of powder into the Kings loincloth.

    The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.....

  6. #1281
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
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    Down By the Cedar River
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    1,432
    .
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  7. #1282
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Fort Worth Texas
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Coots View Post
    .
    I've always said "Only curves are interesting"

  8. #1283
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    777
    my version
    I LIKE THE TWISTY BITS
    Quote Originally Posted by adamsgt View Post
    I've always said "Only curves are interesting"

  9. #1284
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    734

  10. #1285
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    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
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    Quote Originally Posted by antelopedundee View Post
    It depends upon who you are and how well you are cashed up https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-01-...tion/100740178

    * doggie *

  11. #1286
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    Feb 2003
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    Down By the Cedar River
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  12. #1287
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    Feb 2003
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    Down By the Cedar River
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  13. #1288
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
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    A blonde joke I hadn't heard!!

    so I'll pass it along....




    One evening, a blonde went home and memorized all the state capitals.

    Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, Ive had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals.

    One of the guys, of course, said, I dont believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?

    N, she answered.

  14. #1289
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    777

    The Jewish Quarterback

    The Jewish Quarterback

    The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The
    only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the
    colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find
    a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

    Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank,
    in one corner of the background he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly
    incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100
    yards away.

    KABOOM!

    He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

    KA-BLOOEY!

    Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph, right into the open window.

    BULLS-EYE!

    "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

    So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of
    football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

    The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach
    asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

    "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

    "I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says. "You are not my son!"

    "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won
    the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my
    adoring fans."

    "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are
    gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two
    brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have
    to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady
    pauses, and then tearfully says,

    "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!

  15. #1290
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
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    325
    A few more from down under

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