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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #1141
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    Last edited by antelopedundee; 08-12-2021 at 10:26 AM.

  2. #1142
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    Float Alone

    Time for another Jew joke....... if nothing else, because there are folks hanging about the fringes who'll be "offended" LOL!!!

    So, warning to all you'se libs.... DON'T READ



    there;



    Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.

    Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well." Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So Morty is begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire.

    Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"

    Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"

  3. #1143
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    A local laboratory employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel.

    Reportedly, the captain couldn't swim.

    One of the crew, learning of this, approached him about it.

    "Is it true?" he asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?"

    "Yes it's true, I can't swim," the captain replied.

    "I am though licensed to captain this boat.... what are you licensed for?"

    "I'm a licensed pilot"

    "Oh, really.... can you fly?"

  4. #1144
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    A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

    The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

    Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

    The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'

  5. #1145
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    its all about perspective

    Next time you’re feeling down remember life is all about perspective.

    I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day,

    reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison.

  6. #1146
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  7. #1147
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    Suprised???

    .
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  8. #1148
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  9. #1149
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  10. #1150
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    Quote Originally Posted by antelopedundee View Post

    I post this idea to my friends around 11:00-11:30PM on New Yrs Eve.....

  11. #1151
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    worthy of note..... the guy who started this thread got run off by certain humor-impaired folks NOT highly featured in this Mother Of All T'reads ..... mainly because he "didn't fit in"

    He just won HG Score at the IBS 1000yd Nationals..... ANOTHER national win for this misfit


    I know, it ain't funny. But Wilbur WAS funny (maybe still is, God knows) and he would have appreciated the irony.

  12. #1152
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    gearheads only, preferably 4X4 guys

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  13. #1153
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    I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of scruffy-bearded, young men shouting Anti-American and BLM slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember George Floyd" slogan spray painted on the side stopped next to me. Suddenly they yelled, "Defund the police." and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man... that coulda been me!" So this morning, bright and early, I went out and got myself a job as a truck driver

  14. #1154
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    Wife: "Darling, have you seen the dog bowl?"

    Husband: "No. I didn't even know that he played cricket"

    * doggie *

  15. #1155
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    Quote Originally Posted by doghunter View Post
    Wife: "Darling, have you seen the dog bowl?"

    Husband: "No. I didn't even know that he played cricket"

    * doggie *
    LOL!! 'MUR'cans be......Click image for larger version. 

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    connection there??? Click image for larger version. 

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    then.....Click image for larger version. 

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