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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #1066
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    Apr 2017
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    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    682
    A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

    After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note... After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."

  2. #1067
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    856
    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Coots View Post
    .
    not so crazy beats sweeping those pesky grass clipping

  3. #1068
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    682
    Mother Nature created wind in order to drive shooters nuts and blow our driveways clean.

  4. #1069
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    Feb 2003
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    Down By the Cedar River
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    .
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  5. #1070
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  6. #1071
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    Feb 2003
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    Down By the Cedar River
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    1,383

    Mafia

    Two Mafia hit men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.

    One of them says,"I gotta admit I'm scared out here."

    The other replies, "You're scared...?? .... I gotta walk back alone.

  7. #1072
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
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    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,383

    Kentucky Derby

    Derby winner Medina Spirit's jockey John Velazquez turned down a white house invite today saying, "if i wanted to see a horses ass I would have come in second....

  8. #1073
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    207
    Bruce Jenner as a woman?? Now THAT's funny right there.
    California, where women are women and so are some on the men.
    And only in California could he/she get elected Governor.

    Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket.

  9. #1074
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,491
    Quote Originally Posted by Nor Cal Mikie View Post
    ........
    Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket.
    We're going right down the tracks we've been hand-forging since the 60's and we've boarded the handbasket of our own volition

    Actions have consequences.

    Inaction is an action

    And our kids have learned from watching us.....



    A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.



    He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.


    The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.


    Mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.


    After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.


    He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

  10. #1075
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Golden Gulf Coast
    Posts
    23

    Biden/Harris Bumper Sticker

    This just in from the CDC. If you are wearing a mask while driving your car, alone with the windows rolled up, you may remove your Biden/Harris bumper sticker. We already know who you voted for.

  11. #1076
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    Feb 2003
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    Down By the Cedar River
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    10-4 on that...

  12. #1077
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    Feb 2003
    Location
    Tennessee
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    6,589
    Quote Originally Posted by Nor Cal Mikie View Post
    Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket.
    -Will Rogers1932

  13. #1078
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
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    Quote Originally Posted by cootrp3 View Post
    This just in from the CDC. If you are wearing a mask while driving your car, alone with the windows rolled up, you may remove your Biden/Harris bumper sticker. We already know who you voted for.
    I have a sign on a stick I reach over and cover my passenger window for them to read;

    "stop licking the windows and they'll take it off you"

  14. #1079
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    682
    Sven and Ole were driving through the countryside. They stopped and Sven said, Ole, you see that silo? Well I built that by myself, every brick, every stave, every ring; I did it all by myself. And nobody knows or cares.

    Awhile later they stopped again. Ole, do you see that barn over there? Well, I built that too. All by myself. Every board, every shingle. I did that all by myself. And do you know what? Nobody knows or cares.

    But, you screw just one pig and...........
    Last edited by antelopedundee; 05-12-2021 at 05:49 PM.

  15. #1080
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    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
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    1,383

    Covid

    .
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