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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #1006
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Nampa Idaho
    Posts
    817

    A Minnesota Joke

    A Dane, A Norwegian, and a Swede made a bet about who could spend the most time in a stinky pigsty. In two minutes the Norwegian came out followed the Dane. Ten minutes later all the pigs came running out

  2. #1007
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    763
    What's the difference between the Panama Canal and Sidney Powell?

    The canal is a busy ditch.

  3. #1008
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    763

  4. #1009
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Branchville, NJ
    Posts
    566

  5. #1010
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    763
    Quote Originally Posted by MilGunsmith View Post
    Didn't take that one long to make the rounds of the hunting and shooting sites. Still plenty of shotgun shells around I think.

  6. #1011
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    763

  7. #1012
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    326
    A bloke asked his wife "Honey, what would you do if I won the lotto?"

    Wife replied "Well I would take half and get out of here"

    Bloke replied "Well I just won 20 bucks, here's your 10"
    .
    "Do you want help to pack? "

  8. #1013
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    811

    brand vs medical product names

    ACETAMINOPHEN



    All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

    Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is

    Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.

    Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.



    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.



    After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.



    Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.



    Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..



    It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.



    Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails’, 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.



    Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.



    Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.



    This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.



    If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

  9. #1014
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    326

    Technology?

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  10. #1015
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    326

    A duck walks into a bar

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  11. #1016
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    326

    A duck walks into a bar (part 2)

    Then another duck walked into the bar and here's what happened.

    Another duck walks into a bar...

    A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

    The barman looks at him and says, “hang on! You’re a duck.”

    “I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.

    “And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.

    “I see your ears are working, too,” says the Duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?”

    “Certainly, sorry about that” says the barman as he pulls the duck’s pint. “It ‘s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?”

    “I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”

    The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

    So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

    The same thing happens every day for the next two weeks.

    Then one day the circus comes to town.

    The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “you’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!”

    “Sounds marvellous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.”

    So the next day when the Duck comes into the pub the barman says, “Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.”

    “I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?”

    “At the circus,” says the barman.

    “The circus?” repeats the duck.

    “That’s right,” replies the barman.

    “The circus?” the duck asks again. “With the big TENT?”

    “Yeah,” the barman replies.

    “With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?” says the duck.

    “Of course,” the barman replies.

    “And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck.

    “That’s right!” says the barman.

    The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ..

    “What the heck would they want with a plasterer??

  12. #1017
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    11,941
    Thank You Dawg...... you got me with that last one

  13. #1018
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Western north carolina
    Posts
    12

  14. #1019
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,437
    Yep
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

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  15. #1020
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    326

    Unusual Bets

    A bloke pulled up to a construction site in a limo.

    His chauffeur helped him into a new set of overalls and the bloke went into the site supervisors shack.

    "Can I help you" said the supervisor.

    "I'd like a job" said the bloke.

    "What sort of job?" said the supervisor.

    "Any type of job, I'm not highly qualified" said the bloke.

    "Hang on" said the supervisor "You just drove up here in a limo wearing an expensive suit and had a chauffeur driving your limo, you are obviously well off, so how do you earn your money?"

    "I make unusual bets" was the reply.

    "Bullcrap" said the supervisor. " Make me an unusual bet"

    "Ok, I bet $25 that you have a dose of the pox by the end of the day" was the reply.

    "Ok said the supervisor" He had been happily married for 25 years and never strayed, Easy money!

    Bloke went to work on the site hauling bricks and steel.

    Until knock-off time.

    The bloke wandered up to the supervisors shack, knocked on the door and announced that he was there to collect on his bet.

    Meanwhile, the supervisor had not been idle. Suspecting trickery he had locked the door and shuttered the windows, not even venturing outside for a pee.

    "Come in" the supervisor said. " I thought that you earned your money by making unusual bets? Well here is one that you never won!"

    "I don't believe you" said the bloke, "I need to see for myself, it's dark in here, open the shutters"

    Supervisor opened the shutters and bloke said "Pull it out"

    "The light is crap and I need to check underneath, have you got a plate?"

    Supervisor offered his dinner plate and bloke carefully inspected underneath.
    "Well, it appears that you don't have the clap. Sorry about that, here's your $25"

    "Hang on" said the supervisor "You told me that you made your money by winning unusual bets. You just lost $25"

    "Well" said the bloke.

    "Did you notice those 20 construction workers looking through the windows?"

    "When I started today I bet each of them $50 that I would have your balls on a plate by teatime"

    * doggie *

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