Originally Posted by dmort
And......Two of the most influential Blues Artists, that ever picked up a Guitar, are missing from that "Who's who"list. Robert Johnson and BB King. It all starts with Robert Johnson.
Glenn
Registered User
And......Two of the most influential Blues Artists, that ever picked up a Guitar, are missing from that "Who's who"list. Robert Johnson and BB King. It all starts with Robert Johnson.
Glenn
oft dis'd member
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Registered User
A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband’s temper.
The counselor asks, "What's the problem?
The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me.”
The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.
Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.
She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack Daniels and he would start to calm down. It was amazing! What is it about Jack Daniels that makes it work like that?
The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.”
cook and bottle washer
That's a little bit beyond funny.
Registered User
Wooooo, Don`t think I will tell that one to my wife.
oft dis'd member
My wife thought it was hilarious
Registered User
A friend said to me "My mother-in-law is an angel".
I replied "You're lucky, mine is still alive"
oft dis'd member
A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner; it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Homer came back to the doctor's office..
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."
Registered User
I look at people and sometimes think "really? -- that's the sperm that won?"
oft dis'd member
A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.
He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.
The man thinks "hmmmm... all these sevens... I think the universe is trying to tell me something."
So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track. He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse # 7 is called "Lucky Universe". The man can't believe it. He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.
The horse came in seventh.
oft dis'd member
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door.
Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because”, the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
oft dis'd member
start an argument with someone who has hiccups
internet bum
Or a stutterer and respond with yeah, that's easy for you to say.
internet bum
The scene was the nursing home, as old Doug was nearing his last few breaths.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.""
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end.""
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take over the offices in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings
As old Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property??? .... the old bugger had a paper route!"
internet bum
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