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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #871
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    Down By the Cedar River
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    Bears

    Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone National Park to study the bears. Finally, their requests were granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone.



    They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.



    The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men.



    Following the trails of a male and a female bear, they finally caught up with the female. Fearing an international incident, they decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientist. They killed the female bear and opened its stomach to find the remains of the Russian scientist.



    One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"



    The other ranger nodded and responded, ďI guess the Czech is in the male."

  2. #872
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    washington.........STATE that is.
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    LOL!

    When I was a kid we had nursery rhymes......this is one I remember.

    "Algy met a bear"
    "The bear was bulgy"
    "The bulge was Algy"

  3. #873
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    Apr 2003
    Location
    South Australia
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    Police manning a random breath test station pulled in a car driven by an attractive blonde.
    "Blow in this until I tell you to stop"
    She does so and the cop looks at the reading and says
    "Wow, looks like you have had a couple of stiff ones tonight"

    Oh dear she says....can it tell that too?

  4. #874
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    South Australia
    Posts
    153
    A young and somewhat timid man was admitted to hospital with a badly upset stomach complaint.
    As he lay in his bed on the fifth floor the spasms suddenly caused him to empty his bowels unfortunately in the bed.
    Terrified and embarrassed, he rolled up the sheet and tossed it out of the window before anyone came into his room.

    Meanwhile down below a drunk was asleep on a park bench when the aforementioned sheet landed on him and covered him.

    A policeman watching this saw a wildly thrashing figure trying to get the sheet off - which the drunk eventually did.

    "What the hell's going on?" asked the cop.

    "Dunno, said the drunk, but I think I just beat the out of a ghost!"

  5. #875
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    Dec 2015
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    Nampa Idaho
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    Nursery Rhymes

    I was in a care center during WW 2 while my mother worked at Douglas Aircraft.

    Whistle while you work
    Hitler is a jerk
    Mussoline bit his wienie
    Now it doesn't work

  6. #876
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
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    Nursery Rhymes

    My late father told me that on a trip to Berlin late in December 1944 the navigator sang this song.

    "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to war we go.
    We're singing songs and dropping bombs
    Hi ho, hi ho"

    A later crash landing cost him a few mates and he never flew a R.A.F. bomber again.

    * doggie *

  7. #877
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    Dec 2015
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    Nampa Idaho
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    Marine Corps Rhyme

    You can always tell a sailor by the semen on his pants.

  8. #878
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    176
    yes marines..the boys club of the US NAVY.
    the marines needed a few good MEN...so they got NAVY corpsmen.
    the only good marine, is a SUBMARINE!

    OUCH...ducking
    Quote Originally Posted by dmort View Post
    You can always tell a sailor by the semen on his pants.

  9. #879
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
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    459
    You know..........Some times itís best not to comment when you donít know about the audience. Military is one area that comes to mind.

  10. #880
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    Quote Originally Posted by rsmithsr View Post
    yes marines..the boys club of the US NAVY.
    the marines needed a few good MEN...so they got NAVY corpsmen.
    the only good marine, is a SUBMARINE!

    OUCH...ducking
    No need to duck. I never heard the submarine one before and I thought I had heard them all! No offence taken.If your a veteran your a brother.
    You don't give corpsmen a bad time. they will remember you when it's time to get your shots

    Mort

    Francis made a good point.

  11. #881
    Join Date
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    washington.........STATE that is.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dmort View Post


    Francis made a good point.
    No he didn't.....

    Franny, you got a 6PPC, 'Competition Benchrest-ONLY!' forum.... good. good...

    You got a score gun, same-same, good. good...

    Your kid builds metal stuff, 'Gunsmiths Corner'...... yup, all good, good....

    and so on

    BUT!!

    You got NO sense of humor..... HUMOR, especially the simple concept of self-defecating humor, is foreign to your type so the 'we need a humor forum' thread???

    BAD!

    Not funny, confusing.....not good for you.....

    Ain't NONE OF YOU'SE GUYS WHO'S GOT A SENSE OF FUNNY need to buy into this liberal guilt trip.....

    Humor, especially good solid cleansing ethnic and buddy humor is DYING from liberalism.....

    Please don't let it die.

    Laughter Is STILL The Best Medicine.

    For MEN and WOMEN

  12. #882
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    😎
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  13. #883
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    Awesome Coots...... careful, there ya go again offending the chicks

    "Offense"..... the Death Knell of all humor....

    And cop jokes
    and engineer jokes
    and code enforcement jokes
    and teacher jokes
    and firemen jokes
    and construction jokes (endless subcategories...)

    We were all colors and races growing up, and we told every sort of tale on ourselves and each other, nowadays the only way you can tell an ethnic joke and get away with it is to make a Jew joke! But they get really worn so..... I work in construction, deal in code enforcement every day and know hundreds of engineers..... and live in a house filled with geeks, nerds and gamers..... (a bunch of them incidentally also have degrees but we don't hold that agin' 'em).......

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    in short..... Click image for larger version. 

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  14. #884
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
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    Very good Dave. Now that your retired you obviously have a little time on your hands.....enjoy.


    Mort

  15. #885
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    MD eastern shore
    Posts
    921
    Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

    Is it Found On Road Dead or Fix Or Repair Daily? I prefer the former. bob

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