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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #691
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia
    Posts
    2,291
    At another of those comedian homes, they behaved in exactly the same way, but with restraint. If somebody called out "number 15" there would be chuckles all round & maybe a soft hand clap or two.

    A young fellow visiting his uncle had all this explained to him, but much later, when somebody called "number 37", there was the usual muted response all round except for one guy who rolled on the ground laughing.

    "What happened then?", he asked his uncle, to be told "Oh, he mustn't have heard that joke before."

  2. #692
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    near sacramento
    Posts
    162

    I Have been married nine times

    Let me tell you what was wrong with each

    (1) My first husband was a musician. All he wanted to do was sing to it
    (2) My second husband was a doctor. All he wanted to do was examine it.
    (3) My third husband was a politician. All he wanted to do was make promises.
    (4) My fourth husband was a psychiatrist. All he wanted to do was talk about it.
    (5) My fifth husband was a photographer. All he wanted to do was take pictures of it.
    (6) My six husband was an electrician. All he wanted to do was check my shorts.
    (7) My seventh husband was a hairdresser. All he wanted to do was tease it.
    (8) My eight husband was a gourmet. Are you wanted to do was taste it.
    (9) My ninth husband is the one I am married to now. I like him the Best. He is a bench rest shooter and a Mechanic. He tore it up the first night and hes been working on it ever since
    Last edited by gabe ledesma; 02-18-2019 at 04:37 PM.

  3. #693
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington.........STATE that is.
    Posts
    9,671
    Quote Originally Posted by gabe ledesma View Post
    Let me tell you what was wrong with each

    (1) My first husband was a musician. All he wanted to do was sing to it
    (2) My second husband was a doctor. All he wanted to do was examine it.
    (3) My third husband was a politician. All he wanted to do was make promises.
    (4) My fourth husband was a psychiatrist. All he wanted to do was talk about it.
    (5) My fifth husband was a photographer. All he wanted to do was take pictures of it.
    (6) My six husband was an electrician. All he wanted to do was check my shorts.
    (7) My seventh husband was a hairdresser. All he wanted to do was tease it.
    (8) My eight husband was a gourmet. Are you wanted to do was taste it.
    (9) My ninth husband is the one I am married to now. I like him the Best. He is a bench rest shooter
    and a mechanic. He tore it up the first night and hes been working on it ever since

    Well,

    the first thing ya' done wrong Gabe is the "husband" part, next time you get'cherself a WIFE and you're in for a real treat!

  4. #694
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    ME
    Posts
    1,509

    hope I don't get ostracized

    A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

    "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

    The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

    "Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."

    "WELL!," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

    You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

    My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

    "What about your third husband?"
    "That one was a Democrat", said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

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