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Nope. Can't upload, but can post from a host site.
An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says "Give me $10,000 or I will beat you to a pulp!"
The old man replies "Whoa, wait buddy, I don't have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins."
The man dials his son and as he is about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says " So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I'm gonna beat the heck out of him and you!"
The son answers "Okay, just give me 15 minutes and I'll be there."
In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep, 10 large and fit men jump out and beat the heck out of the expensive car owner.
Meanwhile, the son walks over to his father and says "Dad, I train Navy Seals, not dolphins."
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven the angel said:
"Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Stormy took off her top and said: “Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: “Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven!
Would you explain that to me?"
“Sorry, Stormy,” said the Angel, "but like in Poker even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are.”
Speaking German in Texas
In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."
This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have schiitt in it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "Use both hands”!!
I can also set off the auto trap trigger according to a friend of mine. Happend to him, I just about had a heart attack laughing so hard.Quote:
Originally Posted by antelopedundee
So the real question is: did he make the shot?!Quote:
Originally Posted by blades
GsT
Friend and his wife flew to the U K for the weekend for dinner. Yes, they did things like that often.
He went to the restroom and saw a Condom Machine mounted on the wall.
A notice on the machine read : "Made and tested in the U K".
Under that notice someone had added " So was the Titanic".
Made it into one of the larger News Papers of the day in San Francisco.