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Did you hear about the King who was trapped on a deserted island with his court jester? Within a week he was at his wit's end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave Coots
Just saw where a woman sued GEICO (the auto Ins. co) cause she got a STD while having sex in a car "Insured" by GEICO.
She had to be a democrat or at least work for the Biden Administration. :rolleyes:
And she won $5+ million to boot.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor Cal Mikie
Because Geico, in their infinite wisdom didn't bother to respond to the lawsuit SO, you know who will be paying that tab. The Policy holders, who else? We expected less??Quote:
Originally Posted by antelopedundee
Wife said "My hands are covered in blisters from using this broom"
So I said "Next time take the car!"
When he was 13 Bernie's father found him out back with a questionable magazine and a guilty look.... chuckling father Schwarz said "you must be more careful Bernie"
Again when he was 15 Bernie got caught in indiscretion when he forgot to lock his door...
and again at 18 and at 20yrs old....
"Bernie" says his father, "you need to find yourself a sweet kallehniu, a delightful Yiddisch bride".... "there's nothing like a lovely wife to keep you happy and content!"
At 22yrs Bernie met a wonderful local girl and father Schwarz was delighted. "Bernie, my blessing upon you... I am so happy, shiksa or not we will love your beautiful girl like our own daughter and are waiting eagerly for the patter of feet!!".... "a grandbaby will make your mother so happy!"
Years go by, 3 then 5yrs....no grandbabbies....
And then, horror of horrors Papa Schwarz again finds Bernie out back with a selection of magazines......he loses his calm...
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU MY CHILD!!"
"You have a beautiful wife!"
"Is she leaving you wanting?"
"Is she unwilling to make you happy?
"No Papa"....."She is everything to me and she is always ready and willing...."
"But Papa"
"Her little arm gets so tired!"
Why do witches fly without panties?Quote:
Originally Posted by doghunter
They get a better grip on the broomstick that way.
friggin funny!Quote:
Originally Posted by alinwa
It was a practical session in the psychology class. The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.
The rat was in the middle of the cage.
Then, the professor put a piece of cake on one side and put a female rat on the other side. The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.
Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread. The male rat again ran towards the bread.
This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.
And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.
Professor asked the students: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction, do you agree?
Then, one of the students from the back rows said: "Sir, why don't you change the female rat? This one might be his wife!"
The professor stood straight up his finger pointing towards the student and said "You just got an A."
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
"Are you ok?" she asks.
"Yes," he replies.
"You can go and play with the other kids you know," she says.
"No, it's probably best I stay here," he says.
"Why's that sweetie?" says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "because I'm the goalie!"
A blonde goes in to get a haircut with earbuds and an iphone.... "I know it's a pain but please let me leave the earbuds in, just move the cords around"
It's an easy trim, no big deal so the stylist works around the cords.
This goes on for a while with a little trim every week or so....always wearing the earphones.
Then one day blondy wants a style change, they talk over the new moves and the hair technician gets to work. Well into the cut the blonde has fallen gently asleep so the tech pops out and earpiece and works around the area........ the blonde is snoring gently.
'pop', out with the other earbud and snippity-snip, not a move from the girl in the chair.
The barber teases the hair a little, slips the earphones back in and taps the girl on the shoulder, no response.
She shakes the shoulder gently, "hey! wakey-wakey we're done!"
No response.
Worried, the haircutter talks louder...."MA-AM, PLEASE WAKE UP!!"
Nothing.
Mirror to the mouth...nothing
pulse...nothing
this woman is dead
Freaking out she calls 911 and continues trying to wake her client.... picking up the earbuds she listens.... A rich baritone mans voice comes through loud and clear....."breathe in"..."breathe out"..."breathe in"...."breathe out".....
Read it to the end! A great end-of-story punch line!
I'm still laughing!
Phil aka tazzman
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Regards from Oz * doggie *